Carter's First Day and the TARANTULA

I feel like the day has dragged on and yet it's not even 9am! I've had enough stress and emotion for the day already. Carter began 1st grade today. I felt sorry for him because he was very nervous. He told me not to "tell" anyone but since this is a blog I'm not "telling," I'm writing. He looked so scared as he waited in line to go into class. His eyes were watery and I could tell he was trying his best not to cry. Thankfully his buddy Annabelle was next to him and I'm sure that helped him keep it together. I'm sure he's going to have a wonderful day but I can't help but worry about him and picture his worried adorable face. I hope he has a great day. I think that he will. He loves school he just gets very nervous about new things and with the new full day and new teacher and a full gym of kids I think it was just a bit overwhelming for him this morning. I can't help but reflect on the talks we've had and things we've done to prepare for 1st grade and now I just sit here hoping it was all enough. This morning I helped him get ready then got myself ready and we had time to sit down and read a couple books about the first day of school. It was awesome to not be in a rush and to have that time to hold him on my lap and read to him and give him hugs. I miss him so much already. I've decided full day is just too long. Today I've tried to create a busy schedule so that I don't cry the whole day. Someone is coming to buy my big coffee table at 10 then my awesome visiting teacher is coming over at 10:30 and then I'll see how I'm feeling and if it's good enough I may run to walmart to get another package of stage 1 bottle nipples and some premiee diapers in case the baby is too little for newborn size but I think she'll be pretty big but I'd like to have some just in case.

I'm really grateful for good friends. Having friends at the school to talk to today kept me from totally balling and making a fool of myself. I was able to keep calm and not cry at all while at the school which was good especially since I didn't want Carter to see me upset. I've kept the whole 1st grade thing positive for him and "wow, you even get to eat lunch with your friends at school!" but it is a very difficult transition for me. He's the best company and I miss him when I'm not with him. I keep wishing I had done more fun things with him this summer despite knowing he did have a fun summer. I guess one always wishes they could do more. I drove home wondering how he was doing and what he'd be doing and how he'd be feeling. When I pulled in the driveway I found an enormous hairy tarantula crawling across my driveway. I stopped the car and got out to investigate, bringing my camera with me. I went through a lot of options in my head very quickly. Some of them were, start screaming, drive over it with the car, run down to Hardmans and make Sarah kill it for me, leave it alone, just watch where it goes. I decided to leave it alone since it's God's creature. Then, I had a horrible visual of it attacking Carter in the yard or worse coming inside the house and attacking him and us while we slept or getting into the baby's bed and silently waiting to attack her when she comes. So with all those irrational thoughts I decided I had to kill it for protection. I'm not sure how or if tarantulas are lethal but I figured I'd better err on the side of caution. My blood pressure went up and I saw a lot of black floater spots in my eyes as I grabbed the big garage broom so that I'd have ample space between me and the threat. I brushed it onto the grass hoping it would take off in a hurry and I'd have an excuse for not killing it. Instead it turned around and started toward the broom! So I started smacking it and crying because I felt so guilty about killing it. It was a hardy big thing and just kept raising up after I'd smack it. Finally it was still and I dropped the broom and told the tarantula I was sorry and ran into the house. So if you are wondering why there's a broom with a broken handle piece lying on the grass it's because I'm too much of a chicken to go back out there. I'll have Matt give it a proper burial tonight when he gets home.