Tomorrow and Reflections

I am SO excited! Tomorrow we're going to the Tulip Festival at the gardens! I can't wait. All day I'll be doing something or supposed to be thinking about something else and the thought suddenly comes to my mind...I'm going to the gardens TOMORROW! The day has finally arrived! I've waited for it throughout the whole winter. There were days where I couldn't even picture the gardens surviving the winter, or me surviving for that matter! :-) This is a picture of my littlest niece (Rebecca) in the secret garden. I certainly have a lot of garden pictures but I chose to post this one because I think it really captures how I will feel tomorrow! I'll probably have that same smile, the same rosy cheeks, and look of total happiness too. Hooray for me! The only difficult part will be realizing my limits. I've been known to walk the gardens for 4 hours at a time. Carter runs the paths and stops to smell everything and I just take it all in. Obviously, I haven't walked that much all winter and I need to start out slowly because of the pregnancy. So, I imagine I'll rest every so often and hopefully can find a spot close to the bamboo that I love so well. It makes the most amazing sound in the breeze! I hope it is back to life already. If not, I'll still relish all the colors I'm going to see tomorrow. I hate to admit it but I haven't picked a single dandelion out of our yard purely because I'm enjoying seeing the yellow! HOA letter coming soon I imagine! I'll write back that I needed to let them live for my mental health. I wonder what the response will be!

On another note, the garage sale I was helping out with is over. While I was helping to clean up the leftovers a very nice, wise friend who is my mother's age and who often looks out for me like a mother (refusing to let me lift tables, telling me to sit down for a minute, etc) asked me a question. She said "Well Jen, what have you learned from this?" It was such a profound question. I mean, there are so many levels to that question. There are obviously the surface level answers about what I could have done better organizationally etc but it also struck a chord with me on a deeper level. I stuttered around trying to search my soul while at the same time as packing away books and realized I just hadn't gotten to process it yet. I told her that today I was going to get this done and tomorrow would be a day of reflection. I told her that the biggest thing that I knew right away was that I had learned about how compassionate and generous people can be. That I was so amazed at how there were people who came to drop off items and stayed for hours to help sort the items and set up. There were people who generously gave their time, who volunteered for tasks big and small, and who did everything that they could do and gave all that they could give. You know, as a DCFS worker I saw a lot of things about humanity that I hated. I saw the worst of people doing horrible things and treating other humans horribly. I have to admit that it changed my opinion of society as a whole. I trusted less and became more cynical. Seeing so many people come out and be supportive, compassionate, kind, and generous, regardless of whether they knew, knew of, or didn't know the family that this sale was helping made me so happy. I've cried with happiness about it actually.

When I was a teenager, my mother was given a bizarre abstract painting by her friend and co-worker. Inscribed on it was this saying "She said she cried at least once a day, not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful and life was so short." I always knew that this must be my mother's saying. I remember as a teenager I thought that it made no sense. The angst of teenage years and inexperience of life didn't allow me the ability to understand the message. Through working alongside friends and even people I had just met or barely knew I got the message. People worked for hours without break and even made it fun. They worked for hours and hours with a spirit of purely wanting to help. To make this whole thing be as good as possible. The saying makes so much sense now that I find myself in a similar situation as my mother. I can make a conscious choice to dwell on the bad of the world, the evil, and the unkind. Or I can fill myself with the happiness of the knowledge that I am surrounded by people who are kind and compassionate, that the community I live in has been incredibly generous in giving what and how they could, and that I have the kind of friends people wish for for their whole lives. Incredible, supportive, lifesaver friends here and my friend in Cali. I can cry each day not because of sadness but because I have been richly blessed. Richly blessed with incredible parents, incredible family, incredible friends, a wonderful community, and the beauty of the earth. So I'll need to give a more complete to my friend Pam. I wonder if she even realizes what she helped me learn by asking the question and bringing what I have learned to the forefront of my consciousness. In addition to what I learned that I posted above I have to say that I've learned a lot about my husband. I've learned how dedicated he is to helping others. I've learned that he can lift and carry until I can see the sweat on his face and the pain in his expression after hours and still he won't complain or stop helping. This experience of serving together has brought us closer and I'm just so proud to be married to him. We really do live in a beautiful world. Seeing so many people give of their time and/or doing what they could however small they thought it was or however big they must know it was really has shown me a glimpse of the divine part of human nature. The best vision I could have.
Singing one of my favorite hymns.

For the beauty of the earth,
For the glory of the skies;
For the love which from our birth,
Over and around us lies;
Lord of all, to Thee we raise
This, our hymn of grateful praise.

For the wonder of each hour,
Of the day and of the night;
Hill and vale and tree and flow'r,
Sun and moon, and stars of light;
Lord of all, to Thee we raise
This, our hymn of grateful praise.

For the joy of human love,
Brother, sister, parent, child;
Friends on Earth and friends above,
For all gentle thoughts and mild;
Lord of all, to Thee we raise
This, our hymn of grateful praise.