My Sanctuary

Here's a picture of my sanctuary. I've been thinking about it off and on all day long. I even looked at some of my favorite oil paintings of it online and reminisced. This is Mission San Juan Capistrano. It is a beautiful and very old place. You can feel the history as you walk on the paths that are hundreds of years old. When we lived in California, Carter and I would often visit this mission. It has the prettiest, calmest gardens. It's simply and not huge but it is quite definitely a sanctuary. I loved watched Carter chase the butterflies and try to sneak up on the little birds. He'd race around the fountains following the koi and loved to talk about the lily pads. The mission is well maintained by many volunteers who always happily answered Carter's many questions. We'd walk the paths and go into all the restored rooms to explore. The mission still is active and in the golden chapel there is a room specifically for the patron saint for healings of cancer. People come from all over the world to visit that little room and say and prayer and light a candle. While obviously I am not Catholic I have to admit that among the many lit candles and sincere prayers there is a beautiful spirit there. I've been wishing all day that I could click my heels and be transported to the mission if only for a few minutes.

Lately I've been thinking about all the places that Carter and I used to visit. We had quite the experiences. I remember going to the Santa Ana zoo often and even as a baby he loved to hear the animals and see the many monkeys and just be outdoors. When he was hungry we'd make our way to the Amazon exhibit and I'd feed him his bottle while sitting in a nicely shaded balcony listening to the waterfall and watching the Capybara swim. I think Cricket (that's the baby's nickname) may feel a bit ripped off when she/he sees Carter's albums of all the places he went when he was little. I am glad that here I have the Thanksgiving Gardens which are my sanctuary away from my sanctuary. I'm sure I'll have wonderful memories of Cricket and I going to Hogle Zoo and Thanksgiving Point and other places. It's just difficult to think that I can't completely replicate the things Carter and I did. I know that I didn't take those days with Carter for granted. I remember so many times where I would consciously tell myself to remember this day because it was so perfect. I'm glad that we made the most of each day there and I'm sure things will be the same for Cricket. I just have to keep reassuring myself.

When I picked up Carter today he excitedly told me that his class is going on a fieldtrip to Hogle Zoo May 16th. He asked if I could come. My heart started racing and I was just hoping that it wasn't a work day. Why? Because I am a neurotic parent who can't possible fathom the idea of her little 6 year old up in Salt Lake City without me. When he told me about the trip I instantly thought of the small lost child at the Santa Ana Zoo who I found crying in the Aviary. I was thinking what kind of parent would lose their child in the middle of Santa Ana of all cities? We exited the Aviary and were quite on our way to the front office when a chaperon came to collect the child. She was on a field trip. I swore that day that I'd always be one of the chaperons when Carter got to be school age. So...of course I came home and sent a begging email to Carter's teacher and said I'd pay my own way so that I could go along. Yes, I am overprotective. I readily see that. His poor teacher must think I'm one of "those" parents. I can't imagine how much stress I've probably caused her this year. Truth be told Carter's never had a play date at anyone's house that I haven't "vetted" as well as I can without doing criminal background check. He's never even had a babysitter. Tomorrow is Carter's first play date at someone else's house that I don't know really well. A friend from school who has been here twice asked for him to come play at his house. I talked to the mom for a half hour on the phone and met her in person when her son came to play here. She seems incredibly nice and trustworthy but still Carter and I had to have the talk about gun safety etc. etc. I'm just a ball of nerves this week. I keep thinking I could drive to Cali and be there in like 10 hours. But of course, Matt wants to have a week off when the baby is born so he can't vacation with us now or this summer. And I know everyone in my family would freak out if I said that Carter and I were driving alone. I inherited the overprotective gene if you hadn't known that already. :-)

I'm really excited for Spring Break next week! I am off of work, Carter is off of school, and I have no pressing obligations that week. I plan to rest a bit and take Carter as many places as I possibly can. I feel like I need to make things up to him because we haven't gone many places the last several months. It's either been too cold or I've had work and he's had school, or I haven't felt well enough. I want to take him up to downtown and explore the museums again. He loved that last summer. We also need to hit the gardens on the warmest day we can (looks like Monday yea!), visit the dinosaurs, and maybe even the farm. I'd also like to squeeze in a visit to the aquarium. We'll see how far we get. :-)

Lastly, I'd like to bring up the fact that American Idol Gives Back is not good for pregnant women to watch. I started crying when they showed the 14 year old infected with HIV. I had to turn it off and go soak in the tub. My emotions are already too raw to even hear it tonight. I took around some flyers to local businesses to promote the garage sale for Sadie and I saw another flyer for a benefit for a lady with lymphoma. Then the lady at the dry cleaners told me about the lady in their ward who had suddenly died of an amniotic embolism recently. Yesterday I met a 2 year girl in the next subdivision over who has a brain tumor. Her brother is on Carter's baseball team. There's also a boy in our ward with a tumor in his shoulder who may have to do radiation again to treat it. And I heard that in the subdivision on the other side of us there is a young girl with leukemia. Her ward had a bake sale to help their family. I am just stunned by the huge trials people are facing around our community. I just don't understand it. It's so heartbreaking to see what some people have to face. I am so proud of how generous people in the community are. I've had so many calls and emails about people bringing items to sell. It's heartwarming to know that we all support and care for each other and that in some small way we can all do our part to lift each others' burdens as much as possible.